Giving and Receiving
By Emily Cruse
Last month, Kiki wrote a wonderful piece on “clocking out” and taking time for yourself. In some ways, I feel like it was written specifically for me. Anyone who knows me knows that I am nonstop. I have the full belief that whatever your hands find to do, you should do it wholeheartedly. That being said, it is often hard for me to know when I need to stop.
It is especially hard to stop when you literally see miracles happening in front of you.
As I turn on the news, scroll through my social media, and talk with friends/family, it is easy to get discouraged:
Covid cases are at an all-time high which means that we cannot visit with loved-ones, which is especially hard during the Holidays. Harder when we, and many others, have lost loved ones in the pandemic and feel their missed presence more in this festive time;
My childhood friend’s daughter is in the hospital with leukemia;
My mother-in-law is in the hospital with pneumonia;
One of my mentees is in the hospital;
Another of my mentees became homeless;
One of our families has no beds to sleep on;
One of our families, on top of many other things, had a vehicle go out and their power scheduled to be shut off;
Another parent’s vehicle broke down on top of work and overcoming postpartum depression.
This list could continue on and on describing the situation of over 65 people.
So why should I have a positive outlook on life? What good is among this?
The mother working and trying to go back to school certainly didn’t deserve her car to break down, thus risking her job.
These are things we face as humans and the most important factor is that we create a village around us. Humans need each other. We were meant to be in community with one another. There are times where we will be a giver and times we will be a receiver. The important part to remember is that we will ALL need someone at some point in our lives. As the Program Director at BAM, my number one priority is to build community and relationships.This takes time, trust and follow through. We will talk more about that in a later post, but for this month, I would like to share some amazing stories that occurred recently.
The last couple years we have hosted a Holiday party at St. Julian Devine Community Center. Our families are asked to sign-up to attend. There is a question on the form asking about their family’s needs. Some people will answer things like: thanks for all you do, we are good-thanks, willing to help. Other answers will include things like: I’m really in need of hygiene products, food, and/or school uniforms. We had a few people share their story only asking for a few small gifts for their children. I could read in the writing that some people were embarrassed to admit their struggle in not being able to get a gift for their child.
I posted to the Hamlin neighborhood page that I had families in need of assistance if anyone felt called to help. Within an hour we had about 40 people committed to help. I would send basic information (age, size) along with fun facts about the child and parent. I believe a sense of connection in everything is important: instead of dropping a toy into a bin, it’s important for people to understand the person behind the gift and to give with a high level of dignity (I don’t give full names, school, etc). Most people aren’t struggling because they aren’t trying. I know as hard as my own parents worked and the sense of pride they have, they found themselves in a position of being the receiver when I was a child.
The Hamlin Community along with McMillian Law Firm and Savi Cucina + Wine Bar were beyond eager to help and they were so moved by the families. No neighbor asked for pictures with the gifts, no neighbors expected anything in return. If they included cards, they left them blank so the parents could choose to say that it was a gift from themselves or Santa. I made drop-offs all over the Lowcountry in Mount Pleasant, Johns Island, James Island, North Charleston, and Downtown. The neighborhood bought the most thoughtful things based on the things I shared. For example, one young man has dreamed of having a suit for years. He received a suit, tie, shirt, and shoes. He will be a future leader no doubt- and his greater confidence from feeling good about his appearance will help him on his way. Another young man struggles in school and dreams for now of being a barber. The gifter picked out the coolest and most thoughtful gifts to encourage him to achieve his dream.
As I was about to send another family's needs to a donor, I received a call. He said, “Emily, I can buy this truck and a gift card for this little girl like you asked, but I want to do something bigger. I can’t explain it, but I feel like I have been called to do something big for someone. Do you have a family that something could really make a big difference for them?”
I shared that I was literally sending a family's information to another donor who asked for food for the Holidays. She is the sweetest woman: she works hard and really prioritizes her kids’ needs over her own. She seems to get ahead a little bit then something happens to set her back again.
He said, “What do you mean?”
I said, “Like her car goes out or something and she needs to get to work and kids to different places.”
He said, “Well, how is her car doing now?
I shared to the best of my knowledge it is running right now.
He said, “let me see what we can do after I talk to my wife. Maybe we will give a $500 grocery card or something like that.”
As soon as we hung up, I received a text from this dear friend saying her car went out and she was trying to find her daughter transportation to an event. I didn’t even respond to her- I immediately called the friend who wanted to do something big and shared the story and timing. He just started to chuckle and said tell her to take it to be fixed and I will take care of it.
I called back my sweet friend to share the news and she just started crying and had no idea what to say in response. She just couldn’t believe it. I was trying to figure out how to make the connection and make her comfortable. I said, “you never have to meet this person if you don’t feel comfortable. He is completely fine with remaining anonymous. If you do want to meet….”
She cut me off saying, “I would love to meet him! I have no pride and appreciate it all so very much.” I think it was probably the best part about Christmas for both. He had her car fixed and gave her a $1000 gift card to help with other needs. They each called me to share about their interaction and were thankful for the opportunity.
The next day, one of our parents shared that she was blessed with two of the same large item. (Keep in mind this is a parent that is currently without a home and has a lot going on) She could have easily kept the large items. However, she called me to make sure I give one to another child who is in a similar situation. We located a very well-deserving youth and she made the delivery herself. A few days later, another family we helped received another big item she did not use. Instead of selling it, she asked if I had some young people who needed it, and so that item was passed along as well.
That’s the village, y’all! What if we all took what we NEEDED and looked out for others?
The last best thing that happened
After the Holiday party, a parent completed the form and shared a VERY difficult situation. I encouraged her many times to complete the form because I could see she was struggling. I think she just really wanted to try to handle the situation on her own before asking for help. She was only asking for a few gifts for her children who still believe in Santa. She explained that she could not shop due to a needed $500 car repair plus being behind on her power bill and so many other things. She was trying to choose between what to pay and in danger of her power being turned off. I put it out to the neighbors and of course the Hamlin Community came through raising nearly $900 in less than one hour. We set her power bill (nearly $500) back to $0, purchased gifts for all four children, and provided a couple restaurant gift cards.The parent was so joyful and appreciative. She along with many other parents discussed how they want to be more involved and there for us when we host events.
So, how do we build community?
One family at a time. Giving each the opportunity to give as well as receive.